New Endings

I believe I don't deserve to be loved. But can you really blame me for having that thought? Every single moment of my life, I am told what I can be, what I might be, what I will be. What about the me that is here right now? I am something right now, right here. But people never see your presence. They see your absence, so they have something to talk about. Consider a class, for example. The teacher never tells a student, 'Oh, you're present.' It's always, ' why were you absent? ' Actually. It's not even the absence that matters. It's the reason for absence. No one cares if you were absent because you were sick. But tell them it's a personal reason and suddenly they are all ears. Pretending to care. How easy it is to pretend nowadays! Make-up. Emojis. LIES. It's all very easy to hide your true self. Maybe I could be loved too. If I put on a fake layer of make-up and 'lol' emojis and cover it all up with lies. Maybe I could ...

So finally we meet, At a time so wrong. When you are in love And I am in chaos I can't welcome you I'm sorry for that I'm tearing you apart I apologize for that The time is wrong And I'm not strong. I wish I could say it back But I've lost my voice Just like my desire to live The time is wrong But the people are right It's me with you And this wonderful view But alas, the white gown is stained red And the tuxedo has thorns It's not now we are supposed to meet But time betrays me And again I failed. The right time is still under the veil.

Racing thoughts, slow speech Beating heart, quiet screech, Nails digging into her skin Hands tearing apart her scalp Tears staining her cheeks Blood staining her wrists What more was there to feel? She wrote millions of letters None of them making sense She walked thousands of miles Without feeling any pain Was it because she was drained? With thoughts that were too lame. There was pain, it's true. With wounds and bruises too. But the scars were all that mattered And the wounds were left scattered A soul was left alone When all she wanted was a home She is in chaos, it's true. But the one keeping her there, is YOU.